IS IT TRUE THAT SUCCESSFUL OPERA SINGERS CAN'T BE MARRIED OR HAVE A PERSONAL LIFE?

 

It's simply untrue that successful opera singers can't have personal lives or long-term relationships. What boring, unhappy, unbalanced people we would be if we didn't! I am very happily married to a software engineer who moonlights as an assistant stage manager with the local opera company and works as a recording engineer as a hobby. He is extremely supportive of my career, even when it takes me away from him for long periods of time (which is hard on both of us)! Many of my colleagues are married or in long-term relationships. When we're on the road, we spend a lot of money on long distance and plane tickets for weekend visits. When we're together, that time is extra special.

 

Renee Fleming is a mom; when her babies were little she took them with her on out of town gigs and had a nanny stay with them in the dressing room or hotel. I've known a number of colleagues who traveled with their entire families; often the partner who wasn't working at the moment home schooled the kids or was the primary caretaker.

 

People who claim that opera singers must be married to their art will probably also argue that personal lives get in the way of creating art. I think this is ridiculous. As artists, we need to LIVE life, not restrict ourselves from it. We need to get out there and wallow in it. And we need BALANCE to stay healthy, sane, and productive. That means a refuge from the craziness of the industry; a semblance of normality in a sometimes very unreal lifestyle; and what better to offer you that stability than a happy relationship and strongly developed personal life?

 

To those who claim that our art demands total sacrifice, I respond that in these busy times, there are plenty of couples who spend a lot of time apart and who have very emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually demanding careers. It's not just singing couples, either! Think about all the lawyers and executives who regularly work twelve-hour days and go on business trips all the time. My big brother is one of these, and on a day-to-day basis, he makes sure he is home to tuck the kids into bed, even if he has to go back to the office afterwards, and the weekends are dedicated to family time.

 

It is eminently do-able, and one person does not necessarily have to sacrifice his or her career for the other. You will certainly make sacrifices; but they are generally negotiable to some degree. The important thing is to find out what works for you and your partner. If you listen to each other and respect each other's needs and wishes, you'll be able to work just about anything out.

 

Above all, listen to your heart. There are people who are happiest alone or in a series of relationships. There are others who absolutely need to be in a loving relationship to be at their best. Choose what is right for you and don't worry about the naysayers.